Ring-necked Ducks in the process of mutating will often show a striped, evil-appearing tiger eye (see: right photo). Or they could just be blinking. I think my mutating theory sounds pretty legit, though.
Chances are, you are one of the multitude of birders, who has, at one point or another in their nonbirding oblivion, fed a duck. It’s one of the unquestionable tenets of Bird-dom: ducks love bread, and nonbirders (plus some birders) love feeding ducks bread even more. At first, the duck-bread love affair seems like a win-win situation for both parties: non menacing, seemingly harmless ducks receive food; humans reap the enjoyment of watching mass anarchy in the throngs of chaotic ducks that join in the desperate rush for freebies. Politicians give speeches on future beneficial collaborations with the Duck Species and Humans , and ducks continue to quack and gobble up the free bread that humans fling at their faces. What could go wrong?
What, indeed, could go wrong? The second tenet of the duck dynasty--that ducks are not to be trusted--is in place for a good reason. Underneath their innocent “quacks-quacks,” and smiling beaks lies a cunning brain, that when powered with the unlikely fuel of bread, gains enough processing power to craft world domination. That’s right. Ducks are out to get us--and we’re slowly falling into their laps. That sourdough loaf you're tossing out into the lake is just one piece in their mastermind plot to dominate all watery, habitable, and bread-feeding-human-filled corners of the Earth. As you read this paragraph, the soggy, spongy bread that is going to ducks at this. very. MOMENT. is mutating them.
As if ducks--masters of the land, air, and water-- needed any more methods of motility, now they're growing an extra set of wings. Luckily for the throngs of oblivious birders who continue to shove huge amounts of bread into ducks daily, the wings are nonfunctional. The ducks' plan is backfiring, badly. The sad fact is, eating an excess of bread just gives them a bad case of malnutrition.
But before the ducks find out and turn on humans with physical attack ...it's time to counteract our actions on the Duck Dynasty. Inform people of the lack of necessity for feeding ducks bread. Pretend you're a city official who is concerned about the cleanliness of the park (on second thought, I'm pretty sure that's illegal, never mind). And if you ever get in a staring contest with a duck.... Stare it down. Assert your dominance. Let them you know about their bread loaf plot.
And remember: Duck Dynasty is very real, and it's out there.