Tundra Swan reporting. Day 55. This is the view from base camp. As you can see, the Snow Geese have been thoroughly fooled by my disguise. They don't suspect a bloody thing.
The Snow Geese are leaving. Perhaps they sense our powerful presence. Soon, very soon, swan friends. We will reclaim our lost territory soon.
No sign of the Trumpeter Swans yet, my friends. But we must keep an eye on the sky. The last thing we want is more Trumps in our country.
Next target: gulls.
Ryan Smith, 14 months.
Is a self-described poet. Thinks he is very deep. Believes that the rest of the Burrowing Owl population is a consumerist dung-beetle-obsessed mass who only care about who has the biggest burrows.
Tom, 16 months. Missed confessing his true feelings to his crush for the 3rd time today. Didn't have a prom date. Is obsessively insecure about his large feet.
Ranger, 56 months. Hates everyone. Secretly wishes he lived by the side of a marijuana field.
Brent, 6 months. Awkward. Just started going through his first real molt. Asked his mom what a "cloaca" was yesterday.
Jasmine (left) and Elle (right). Elle is always getting blamed for her sister's messes. Her sister is a brat who always takes the largest dung beetles.
complaints about anthropomorphism in 3...2...1...
PSA! What happens when birds get drunk?
Drunkenness Leads to Serial Killers and Marijuana
Look at this mockingbird. Look at the way he cross-eyed-ly looks towards the camera. Note the way the red messily dribbling down his chin resembles blood. Do we really want psychopathic murderers running around the woodlands? If not, then say NO to fermented fruits today.
Drunkenness leads to the Black Market
Littering is unacceptable. This dropped prickly pear fruit resembles a slightly crushed and bleeding heart. Is this what we want to be filling our paths with? Bird organs? If not, then say NO to fermented fruits today.
Drunkenness leads to Fear of Heights
Look at this mockingbird. Look at the way his legs guiltily clench the prickly pear fruit, fear of falling into the spines below tense in his irises. Clearly, like all alcohol-addicted birds, he is afraid of heights. Do we really want birds to stop flying? If not, then say NO to fermented fruits today.
This post was sponsored by Reenact Prohibition 2017. End prohibition today. Say NO to fermented fruits or sap.